Your kid doesn't need a gift, they have a llama at their party
I know this might ruffle a few monogrammed tote bags but here goes.
If you’re throwing your kid a birthday party and you’ve hired a taco truck, a petting zoo, and a professional balloon artist who creates life-sized unicorns, maybe we can skip the gift part? If you’re able to host an amazing party like that, you probably already have everything your child needs, right? That’s such a gift in itself.
I love celebrating kids. I love tacos and balloons and yes, even the petting zoo goat that’s bleating loudly when I’m already overstimulated. But I’ll be honest, it’s a little jarring to show up to a mini Coachella and then feel like I’m supposed to top it off with a $50 toy. I just really struggle to understand why a parent would send a link to a wish list (this happened) when their kid already has so much.
Maybe I’m so desperate not to raise spoiled kids that I’ve gone too far the other direction. I keep thinking about a moment from a visit to rural Uganda, where I watched children light up over a pair of shoes or a soccer ball. It's hard not to think about that moment when I see a mound of presents as big as Everest at a 4th birthday party.
It’s not that I don’t want to give. I do. It just feels like somewhere along the way, childhood celebrations became less about the moments and more about the stuff.
Here’s a thought: If we’re lucky enough to create big, beautiful parties for our kids, maybe we can also use them as an opportunity to teach gratitude. We could ask guests to bring toys or books to donate. Or share a charity that matters to our family. Or simply say "no gifts" and mean it. Because otherwise, what are we teaching them? That birthday parties = consumption on consumption on consumption? That love = more stuff?
This isn't about being a buzzkill. It’s about being aware. It’s about saying: we have enough. Let’s share. Let’s celebrate with intention. Let’s teach our kids that their worth isn’t tied to how many packages they tear open, especially when half of them end up under the couch later that afternoon.
If you’re planning a big party, amazing. I hope it’s magical. Let me show up, sing “Happy Birthday,” cheer your kid on as they whack a piñata, and eat way too much cake. That’s the real gift.
Claire, this is so beautifully said. I just wanted to say that I totally agree with you, not giving gifts doesn’t mean someone is selfish or less loving. Sometimes the greatest gift we can give is presence, not presents. I grew up with parents who couldn’t throw big parties or give lots of gifts, not because they didn’t care, but because they simply didn’t have much. And still, I was never sad. Those simple moments, the effort they put into making me smile, the love they gave me, meant more than anything that could be wrapped in paper. Your words reminded me that joy doesn’t need to be bought. It can come from a shared laugh, a homemade cake, or just dancing in the kitchen together. Thank you for writing this, it made me feel seen. I’m 16 now, and reading this made me even more grateful for the little things my parents did. You’re absolutely right: love isn’t stuff. 💛
Very well said! I also can't believe that there are people/parents spoiling their kids with millions on millions of gifts like they are the most important thing in the whole wide world. It's just so frustrating.
Personally, I've never had a birthday party, not a big one, not a small and not even an ordinary one. All of my June 11th over the last 20 years were spent without nothing or only a cake. Maybe that's because I don't like to throw parties or maybe because I have just a pair of friends. Other than that, my gifts were always only 50 euros from my parents and a couple of uncles and grandpas.
And I'll tell you more, I was mesmerized! Despite the final sum being low I never complained about it, never had a proper gift or never had someone giving me thousands of money (I wish, lol). Everyday I remember about all of the kids out there without nothing, particularly in Africa, Asia and Latin America. My heart breaks knowing they get just a pen or a puzzle or a t-shirt once a year. Yet parents have the audacity to complain about gifts when they give their children BIG parties and stuff??? I can't understand them, I won't talk for others because it's not my desire, but If I'll have a kid one day, I am def gonna give them a little present or when they grow a bill, that's all I can offer.
I grew with little presents as a kid, not so expensive, just a regular toy from my family. As I became older, toys were turned into a bill of 50 euros and nothing less, but not even something more. And with those bills I was buying myself Taylor Swift's cds, Concert tickets and it was enough for me.
I love the way you think, I expected nothing less from a person that I've been following costantly for the last 10 years. Love when you share your thoughts to discuss them with us!
Also I'm deeply sorry if my english isn't phenomenal lol
Sending Love from Italy,
L